


Ryuji and the Great Calling Card Fiascos

by maleficaster



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Ann and Akira make a brief appearance, Attempt at Humor, Gen, How Do I Tag, Humor, Not Beta Read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:55:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27049807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maleficaster/pseuds/maleficaster
Summary: “Really?” Niijima says. Her focus is entirely on him now, gaze not shifting even as he hides one calling card and then drops another five that he scrambles to pick back up. “And who is this… surprise party… for?”“It’s for, um, Akira!” He wants to slap himself, really, Akira? He knows he’s not the smartest of the thieves, but he thought he wouldn’t be stupid enough to say one of their names.The president is silent for a minute, “...that’s the new transfer student, right?”-[Or, Ryuji has a mission that involves the calling cards and a copy machine. Things do not go according to plan.]
Relationships: Kawakami Sadayo & Sakamoto Ryuji, Niijima Makoto & Sakamoto Ryuji
Kudos: 4





	Ryuji and the Great Calling Card Fiascos

The calling card in his hand was flimsy, having been created from a scrap piece of paper from one of his regularly unused notebooks. He’d tried to make it sturdier, but after a few awkwardly glued attempts, Ryuji decided that maybe just a single sheet was for the best if only so the calling cards weren’t lumpy. He could already hear Ann yelling at him if he let their calling card look that disastrous.

Thankfully he thinks the final version of the calling card turned out fine. The magazine clippings that form the letters of the Phantom Thieves message are mostly lined up and the design he’d drawn on the card was awesome. While he would’ve liked to do something more Captain Kidd inspired, they weren’t the Phantom Pirates, and Ryuji even knew a little bit about the phantom thief genre from some anime he watched a few years ago. Obviously, he had to work with Arsene, who was actually a thief in some old show he’d seen an episode of. 

But now, he had to make sure the delivery of the calling card was flashy enough. He’s surprisingly good at standing out, and he knows while it may not be in the best of ways it still counts. So he’s at least confident that he can do this right because his track record shows that being noticed is a previously unnecessary skill in his possession.

And thankfully, he knows exactly how he’s going to do this display. 

The only problem, he realizes as he looks at the old digital clock nearby, is that he does not have enough time to make more cards. He’s already used most of the magazines lying around the house (and maybe a couple extra from Ann he asked to borrow) and he’s not sure there will be enough giant letters to make even a second copy. There’s a couple more hours before he has to sneak into the school to pin all the calling cards all over the school’s bulletin boards while having the time to go home and sleep. 

Ryuji groans and plops down onto his bed, knees still on the floor and arms outstretched ahead of his body. He’s half-tempted to scream into the sheets, but at the last second he stops himself because his mom is in the next room over and he doesn’t want to alarm her or the neighbors again. He has to think of some sort of plan, as he knows Kamoshida well enough that he could just brush this off as a prank and toss the card in the trash and they can’t risk having the calling card not working. 

He remains there for a minute longer, before shifting to sit on the floor to give his knee a break. Maybe he could use a copy machine? He leans his head back. There has to be one in the school, he knows that last year one of the track member’s friends made a custom flyer to promote the team by hand, and the two of them had somehow made copies, likely within the school. 

Ryuji leaps up from his seated position, and stuffs the calling card into his school bag. It is a lot earlier than he meant it to be, but the school is going to be closed soon. He will still be alone as he tries to find a copy machine and then make hundreds of calling cards using that. It’ll be fine, no one will see him.

***

The student council president, Niijama, Ryuji thinks, has entered the library and the copy machine is very loud. On impulse he ducks behind a nearby bookshelf just across the way from the copier. He feels like the metaverse has really improved his sneaking skills until Niijama shifts her glance away from the copy machine to where he’s hiding.

“Saka...moto?” She asks, eyes narrowed at the bookshelf, and Ryuji is not stupid enough to step away from his hiding spot. Instead, he backs further away so that Niijama is completely out of sight, but the copy machine is not. “What are you doing here?”

He hears her footsteps move forward, and she reenters his line of sight as she approaches the machine. She’s inspecting the digital screen when she steps back and looks straight at him again, and this time Ryuji really can’t hide. “1000 copies?” she exclaims, “what are you even doing?” 

“Uh.” Ryuji eloquently says, but then he catches how her gaze shifts to the stack of one hundred calling cards sitting on the tray and he rushes forward and stuffs them into his shirt. “I–, uh–.” he was not expecting to be caught here. “These are for a, uh, surprise party! Yup, a surprise party!” He reaches forward to grab another calling card just before it slips onto the tray and tries to stuff it in his shirt. He should not have left his school bag on the table on the other side of the copy machine. 

“Really?” Niijama says. Her focus is entirely on him now, gaze not shifting even as he hides one calling card and then drops another five that he scrambles to pick back up. “And who is this… surprise party… for?”

“It’s for, um, Akira!” He wants to slap himself, really, Akira? He knows he’s not the smartest of the thieves, but he thought he wouldn’t be stupid enough to say one of their names.

The president is silent for a minute. “...that’s the new transfer student, right?”

“No!” he responds. “Akira, they’re, uh–, my cousin.” He nods to himself. “My family is big, like, really big. Lots of people.” he grabs another card, it’s maybe the 30th he’s grabbed in this conversation as they are printing ridiculously fast; at least he now has a solid method of making sure she doesn’t see what is on the cards or letting them fall, by having one hand tucked under the bulge in his shirt to keep it down, the other reaching to grab a card and stuffing into a small opening. 

“You have 1000 people in your family?” she’s smiling a little, and Ryuji hopes it’s a sign that she’s buying whatever this is.

“Yeah, well,” he starts to correct himself, “some of them are like, friends that are like family, ya’ know.” Another two calling cards that he swiftly stuffs down the collar of his shirt. It’s getting too risky to open the bottom of his shirt. “And then they’ve got some people they wanna invite, you know–” he grabs another card and steps even closer to the copy machine. His shirt is getting a little stuffed, and it's getting really warm in the library. Maybe he can just hide the cards from her vision? “You know how big families can get, right?” 

He chuckles and takes another few steps in Makoto’s direction so he can stand in front of the copier tray. He almost wishes he could sit on it so he can hide the cards on the tray beneath him and the falling ones under his calling card stuffed stomach, but the tray looks flimsy and he is not going to break the machine. He is a phantom thief, not a vandalizer. So his next best option is to try and make sure she can’t see the text on each card as it falls. 

“I see… and you’re hiding these… invites from me because..?” Her eyes flicker over to the area behind him that his body doesn’t quite cover, showcasing a brief flash of crimson before it falls behind Ryuji.

“Well, it’s a surprise party!” He yells. “No one can see the invites! No one!” 

“Right…” she says. She smooths her skirt and takes another step back then. “Well, I do hope you brought some extra ink for the copy machine, or at least paid the fee for exceeding the upper limit. 1000 copies is a lot of ink after all, and I’m sure the other students and staff will be very frustrated when they come in tomorrow to see the machine was out of ink for... surprise party invites.” 

“Uh.” Ryuji had not known that was a thing, but he remembers the piece of paper taped below the setting input device earlier. He tries to subtly glance at the sign he completely ignored confirming there was, indeed, an asking price of eight yen for every copy after 50. “I totally knew that, yup. I brought the money,” he says. “I, just, uh, wasn’t sure where to deposit it, ya know?” Why can’t this pretentious school pay for their own machine? “So uh, Niijama–”

“It’s Niijima,” she corrects with a sigh. “You would usually deposit the yen to the librarian upfront, but they left since it’s after regular hours. Almost everyone is gone for the day.” She crosses her arms. “Which means you shouldn’t be doing this right now. Can this not wait until tomorrow morning?”

“It can’t!” he says. “I put this off for a while, and I have to send all of these invites tonight. I gotta mail ‘em, make sure they get to everyone on time,” he laughs. “It’s gonna take hours to uh, put these in envelopes. Gotta deposit them first thing in the morning, you know, haha…” 

There was also the fact Ryuji is sure no one would let him near the copier during school hours anyway. Before Akira showed up Ryuji was confident that he was considered one of the most dangerous students at the school. He was not telling this to her, however, because that would just give her an additional reason to kick him out and never let him back in. He doesn’t know much about her, but he’s heard she’s practically licking the teacher’s shoes and all of them hate Ryuji. 

“Alright,” she sighs. “Finish printing your… invitations. I will wait by the front desk for you to pay the fee.” 

“Uh, thank you,” Ryuji says to her back as she walks away. When she’s far away enough she won’t make out much detail on the calling card, he shuffles over to his bag and opens his shirt, letting the cards haphazardly fall into the bag before he brings it over to the copy machine and stuffs the rest of the cards in.

**8:59 PM**  
Ryuji: hey akira?

**9:02 PM**  
Akira: yeah?  
Ryuji: can i borrow some yen?  
Akira: i think i owe you some from the palace… how much do u need?

**9:05 PM**  
Ryuji: uh, how much is 950x8?  
Ryuji: i don’t have a calculator  
Akira: ...why?  
Akira: and you have a calculator on your phone  
Ryuji: i do?  
Ryuji: and that’s how much money i need bro  
Akira: bro  
Ryuji: bro  
Akira: bro  
Akira: wtf did you do?  
Ryuji: you’ll see tomorrow  
Ryuji: was totally worth it! promise!!

**9:16 PM**  
Ryuji: so uh, could you come to school and drop it off?  
Ryuji: like, right now?  
RyujI i’ve sorta owed the money since  
Ryuji: an hour ago i think  
Akira: morgana’s been yelling at me to go to bed since 8:30  
Akira: you think he’ll let me meet you?  
Ryuji: it’s life or death man  
Ryuji: i think the pres is gonna kill me if i make her wait longer  
Akira: ...  
Akira: bro  
Akira: srsly  
Akira: wtf did you do

***

(Ryuji did not, in fact, have time to put up 1000 calling cards onto the bulletin boards. 

What the others do not know is that he dumped the rest of the cards in Kamoshida’s office before he bolted off campus and rushed home.)

***

“Ryuji threw a surprise party?” Ann asks the student council president, who is once again hounding them about her suspicions of their group.

“Yes, I saw him printing copies for the invitation back in April. I thought you would know about it, considering Ryuji is your friend. Unless of course, those weren’t invitations to a party…”

“Oh, the party!” Akira exclaims. 

“What party?” Ryuji asks again, then gets elbowed by Akira. “Right! That party! I, just, uh, go to a lot of parties, ya’ know… super popular. Big family.”

“Right…”

(After the “Surprise Party” incident it was almost unanimously agreed that Yusuke was in charge of the copies for the next calling card.)

***

“So,” Makoto says to him as they exit Kaneshiro's palace after their second visit, “how was sealing all those envelopes for your surprise party?”

“...Shut up.”

***

It was Makoto’s idea to use the faculty copy machine for this new batch of calling cards; she claimed that this late most of the faculty was out for the day or was needed elsewhere in the building. Plus, it was less visible since the machine was hidden by partitions. Ryuji was just happy to hear that he didn’t need to scourge up every yen in his bag then beg for more to pay for making a ridiculous amount of calling cards. 

They’re being smarter about it, agreeing to a far lesser amount than 1000 but still a few hundred just to make sure people from all ways of life, be it Kanoshiro’s henchmen or a random pedestrian, can see the calling card. Ryuji is unsure if they’re going to have enough to really spread the word, but the others (Makoto) reminded him that last time he was in charge of this Akira and his own wallet suffered more than necessary and he practically got caught. So he was forced to go along and comply. 

So when the door slams open, Ryuji swears he hears a small “eep” come from Makoto and before he can ask she’s shoved him out of the mini partition and into full view of the staff member who has entered the room.

And of course, it’s Kawakami. 

“Distract them!” Makoto whispers while Kawakami says “Sakamoto, what are you doing here?”

“Uh,” Ryuji stutters. “I– I needed homework help!” Because why else would anyone go to the faculty office without being in trouble first? “I’m struggling with, uh, math.” He scratches the back of his head.

Kawakami breathes out a loud sigh before she seems to compose herself. “I’m glad to see you taking your studies more seriously, but I’m not your math teacher.”

“But can you help?” Ryuji blurts out. “I really, really need it.” He glances at Makoto and she’s sending him a nuclear glare. “Please. My life depends on it.” 

“Show me the assignment, and I’ll see what I can do.” She says rubbing her temple. Ryuji peers into the cubicle to see Makoto already tossing his bag at him, and he begins to shuffle through it. It’s a mess, considering there are calling cards neatly stacked by Makoto over his actual unorganized school work that he has to shove aside, but then creates a bigger mess in his bag. 

“Uh, just a second,” he crouches down and shifts through it some more, and he finally finds one of his homework assignments for the day.

It’s his English homework.

As he keeps looking for his math assignment, he suddenly realizes that today, they were not assigned any practice sheets, which is a miracle in itself, but a tragedy that today is the one day he did not receive the math homework he suddenly needs help with. 

“Oh, uh, did I say math?” Ryuji stumbles, still searching his bag for his now misplaced English work. “I meant English, those classes are seriously too similar.”

“How so?”

“Uh–” He sleeps through both of those classes is the answer but not one he thinks he should say in Makoto’s presence. “They’re both, uh, very difficult. Super, duper, hard. Like, I don’t understand them, at all.”

“And you’re only now coming to the faculty office for help?” Kawakami crosses her arm.

“Yeah, I mean, what’s wrong with that?” Ryuji finally pulls all the disjointed papers from his bag and proudly presents them to Kawakami, creased corners and all. “I, just, uh, really want to improve my grades.” 

Finally, Kawakami seems to accept that and pulls out the chair to her desk, which is apparently the one right next to the wall hiding the copy machine. “Alright then. I guess you have been speaking more with Niijima lately, I’m glad she’s such a good influence on you.” She pauses again. “At least, that's why I hope you’re trying to improve your grades.” Before he can ask what else could it be she shakes her head. “I’m not Chouno, but I know her content well enough I should be able to help. Show me your homework and tell me what you don’t understand.”

“Uh, thank you.” He grabs one of the chairs from next to Kawakami and points at the first question on the page, which allows him to turn towards Kawakami and faces her away from where Makoto is hiding. “Uh, so that one. What is…” he squints at the paper “chicken?” He reads in the first word he sees clearly that is in English, and by the way Kawakami is looking at him, is probably very disappointed. 

“It’s chicken.” She tells him in Japanese. “Now do you understand what the question is asking you?”

“Uh,” he freezes as he sees Makoto poke her head out of the copier cubicle with her thumb up. “Yes?” then Makoto’s thumb drops and she vehemently shakes her head, “I mean, no, I’m still really confused. I don’t get what the whole passage is about. Is it about… how to cook chicken?”

“No,” Kawakami starts her explanation, and he is listening half-heartedly for a minute until Makoto takes her overstuffed school bag (how much stuff was already in her bag? It makes Ryuji grateful he’s not as studious as her) and he loses all the attention that he had and focuses on Makoto quietly making her escape to the door out of Kawakami’s field of vision.

“Sakamoto, are you listening?”

“Yes!” He yells. “The eggs, right?”

“What about them?” Kawakami says.

“Uh, that, chickens… chickens eat eggs?”

She takes a deep breath, “no.” She says, and reiterates what she has already said, and Ryuji has suddenly realized Makoto has abandoned him for a study session that would last at least another half hour if he was unlucky. 

At least they got most of the calling cards out of the room without being noticed.

(Later, Makoto tells Ryuji that they are going to have regular study sessions if his English is really as bad as he made it seem.

He's not looking forward to the day Makoto finds out his English is even worse than she thinks it could be.)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Thank you for reading my fic! I hope you enjoyed reading about this silly idea I had as much as I enjoyed writing about it.


End file.
